Posted by: Omar C. Garcia | May 30, 2010

My New Normal

It’s been one year since my beautiful mother died and my life has not yet returned to normal. And, I know that it never will. Things will never be what they were before. I understand that. My severed emotions have found new ways to grow around the hurt and to reconnect on the other side. But, the hurt is still there — quietly throbbing with every beat of my heart. Some days are worse than others but, little by little, I am adjusting to my new normal. God has been very good to me over the past year, nourishing me with perfect measures of grace at my most difficult moments. He understands.

I miss my conversations with Mom. I especially miss her voice. Mom knew how to affirm and encourage me. She also knew how to make me laugh and what to say to make me think. She always asked about the initiatives I led to help the least of these both locally and internationally. And, every time our conversation turned to those in need, she would cry. Mom cared deeply about those in need. For several weeks after Mom’s death, I’d often reach for my phone and hold it, wishing I could just call her. That still happens on occasion, but not as often. Now, I have a new normal. I know that I can’t call my Mom, but I can give thanks for her life. And so, that’s what I do now. Every day, without fail, I talk to God and thank Him for my Mom.

I miss my visits with Mom. I have lived away from my childhood home for many years — far more years than I ever lived there. I have always enjoyed traveling back home to visit with my folks. Mom always made each visit a special occasion for me. She delighted in preparing my favorite foods and making my stays as relaxing as possible. The last time I saw her, she wept as I drove away. I still have that image of her in my mind, never realizing at the time that I would never again see her at home. I have made many visits back home over the past year to visit with Dad, but home is just not the same without Mom. My new normal when I go back home is to visit Mom’s grave with Dad. I know that a day will come when no one will remain to visit my Mom’s grave and to place flowers there. Until then, I will not miss any opportunity to do so.

I never worried much about Dad while Mom was alive. Mom and Dad always took such good care of each other. On a few occasions Mom told me that she worried about what would happen to Dad if she died first. I assured her that if that were to happen that we would all rally to care for Dad. And, that’s exactly what my siblings and I have done because we love our Dad and loved our Mom. Our new normal is to care for Dad — to make certain that he is not alone and that his needs are met. And, we are happy to do that. Dad gave us all a wonderful gift — He loved Mom and he loved us. Although life will never be the same again, one year later I still miss my Mom and am slowly adjusting to my new normal.


Responses

  1. Yep!

  2. I do not have same experience that you have. my parents still a live. but one thing I realizing that, I could not compare with anything about mother’s love! it’s different from all things. she never submitted any demands for her self. some times she go through different type of problem. but she do not ask me carry her burden. but I do help without her asking some times. I might be understand/realize, when mother will be so far from the planet! emotionally I will be satisfy, if I can take care something for my mother. our customs and cultures is, children will take care for the parents, but many times I’d failure about this events.

    Thanks for the post.

    Mortuza Biswas
    Bangladesh

  3. Love you brother. I prayed for you today thinking it had been about a year. I happened to check your blog today and saw your post on your Mom and that that it had been a year ago. The Sprirt is at work and is mindful of your need, moving your friends to pray for you.

    • Hey Byron…

      Thanks so much for your prayers. I am blessed to have a good brother like you in my life. Love you and am thankful to God for our friendship.

      Blessings,
      Omar~

  4. Omar,
    Your writing was beautiful, especially the part about severed emotions finding a new path of growth. Very succinct.

    Today I am attending a funeral of a neighbor. Tomorrow, my spouse and I are spending the morning with a dear friend who is in the hospital and near death. These things, tear at the fabric of our lives.

    Remember that it is all about the generations. You remain – so what remains to be shared with your own children? As for a loving mother, she achieves immortality in our eyes. Your post shows her eternal value in your life.

    Best Regards,

    Tammy

    • Tammy…

      Thanks. And thanks for caring about your neighbors during their time of grief and for spending time with your friend in the hospital. Many years ago, one of my mentors advised me to try to never miss the things that happen in people’s lives that cannot be repeated — the birth of a child, a stay in the hospital, a graduation, the death of a loved one, and many more of the happenings that are common to us all. Thanks for being there for your friends and neighbors.

      Blessings,
      Omar~

  5. Hi. I know that this post is seven years old. But, I Googled “new normal now that mom is gone”, and it pulled up your post. I lost my beautiful mom on 11 May 2017. To say that the loss is painful is an understatement. But, I know that at some point I will reach a new normal without her, at least in the earthly sense. Everything you wrote about your own mom resonated deeply with me: not hearing my mom’s voice, not being able to call her, and the way she cared about every thing – big and little – in my life. And, thank you for the reminder to thank God for my mom – every day-, and to thank my dad for loving my mom and for loving my brother and me. I know my dad is hurting deeply as well, but in a different way, and my brother and I do whatever we can to make his life as good as it can me, although these days it is certainly a struggle. Bless you.

    • Thanks for your comment. Please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your mother. It sounds like you were very blessed with a truly wonderful mom and dad. You will indeed miss her deeply for the remainder of your own life. Continue to care for your dad through these tough days of adjusting to the loss of his bride. God will strengthen you daily as you move toward your new normal.


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