Go Beyond

In November 2008, I posted some thoughts concerning a devotional time our team had enjoyed in Kurdistan while working with Heather Mercer. Heather shared some practical advice that one of her mentors had shared with her about how to connect with other people throughout each day. First, look into the eyes of others and notice the color of their eyes. Second, remember the names of those you meet. And finally, make people smile. Of course, this is easier said than done. We are often in such a hurry that we never slow down enough to look at anybody in the eyes or to remember names or to do or say something that might make them smile.

One thing that most people struggle with is remembering names. And yet, remembering names is one of the best ways to connect with people. Dale Carnegie, the author of “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” said that “a person’s name is the sweetest, most important sound in any language.” The writer of Proverbs (22:1) said, “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.” Remembering names is the first step in building a relationship and a simple way to show people that we think highly of them and that they are important to us.

Do you remember a name after hearing it only one time? When we forget the name of a person we usually do one of two things (both of which are poor options). First, because we are too embarrassed to admit we cannot remember another person’s name, we pretend to know their name (and pray we do not get caught!). Second, we ignore the person and talk with someone we know. One reason we forget is that we really never hear the person’s name. Another reason we forget is that we often are thinking about other things while we are being introduced. However, remembering names can be as easy as 1 … 2 … 3 …

1. Use your EARS
• Give the person your undivided attention.
• Ask the person to repeat his/her name if you did not hear it clearly.
• If necessary, ask the person to spell his/her name.

2. Use Your MOUTH
Use the person’s name several times through the process of introduction, conversation, and termination. Instead of “Hi” or “Hello, nice to meet you,” say, “Hi, Don,” or “Hello, Mary, nice to meet you.” Use the person’s name in conversation and when parting: “See you again, Don.”

3. Use Your EYES
Find a link between a person’s name and his/her face or features. The acrostic N.A.M.E. can help you remember four categories of association…

• N = Notable | Does the individual have the same name as a famous person or someone you know? (Example: Mr. Carter, Mrs. Reagan, Mr. Bush)

• A = Appearance | Can you associate the person’s name with his/her appearance? (Example: A “hairy” person named Harry or Mr. White with “white” hair or a tall person named Mrs. Long.)

• M = Meaning | Does the person’s name have a particular meaning that can assist you in remembering? (Example: Mr. King or Ms. Fisher or Forrest)

• E = Employment | Does the person’s name imply some kind of employment? (Example: Taylor, Smith, Baker, Plummer, Butcher, Mason)

Although using these techniques can increase your ability to recall names, you will still have occasions when you just can’t remember the name of someone you previously met. When that happens, you have a couple of options. First, greet them warmly and then try to find out their name from a friend or guest list. Second, just admit that you can’t remember their name — “It’s great to see you again, but your name has slipped my mind.” Because we all forget names from time to time, most folks are very understanding and forgiving when we forget. But, make it a point to fix their name in your memory so that you can remember it the next time you see them. One thing I try to do when I encounter people I have not seen in a while is to be proactive, “Hi, I’m Omar, we met a while back at …” Generally when I do this, folks are very good about providing their name in return. But, whatever you do, make an intentional effort to remember the names of those you meet. It’s a great way to affirm others.