Go Beyond

In the Spring of 2015, my friend Gil Harris, the director of Kingsland’s Men’s Ministry, began a concerted effort to encourage the men of our church to do life in community with other men. Gil asked me to pray about starting a new small group for men.

My initial response to Gil was that I was too busy to take on one more responsibility. I did not want to give up what precious little discretionary time I had for one more meeting. However, the more I prayed the more convicted I became about the importance of what Gil had asked me to do.

Long story short, I agreed to start a new small group for men — a group especially for fathers who had either faced challenges with their sons or who had great relationships with their sons. So, I launched Band of Fathers and structured our small group around three guiding objectives: shared study, shared service, and shared adventure.

Outside of worship on Sunday, meeting with my Band of Fathers is the most important meeting of my week. All of the original members, with the exception of those who have moved away, continue to meet every Wednesday for a meal and shared study. We are fifteen men strong and have developed very close bonds with one another.

In reflecting of my journey over the past ten years as a leader of a small group, I offer the following ten reasons why I believe every man should do life in community with other men. Using Small Group as an acrostic to organize my thoughts, what follows are some of the benefits of doing life in community.

S = SURROUND

Being a part of a small group gives men the opportunity to surround themselves with other men who are on the same journey, facing the same challenges, feeling the same pressures, struggling with the same temptations, and who share the same concerns about leading their families well.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Life is hard and can continually dull our edge. When that happens, our edge can be restored through our interaction with other men who have our back and best interests at heart and who will speak the truth to us in love.

M = MENTORSHIP

Being a part of a small group gives men the opportunity to mentor as well as to be mentored. A mentor is a trusted advisor capable of offering wise counsel. Having a mentor introduces a trusted voice into our lives that can help us to exercise greater discernment and discipline regarding the way we live, love, and lead.

Having a mentor gives us the benefit of learning from someone whose wisdom has been forged in the furnace of experience. Benefiting from a mentor means we must humble ourselves in order to learn. We must ask questions, listen to wise council, and then act accordingly.

A = ACCOUNTABILITY

One of the main reasons why men get into trouble is the lack of accountability. I am thankful for the men who have loved me enough to make me face unpleasant things about myself. These friends have taught me that while tough love is painful it is essential to making course corrections.

Proverbs 27:6 tell us that the wounds of a friend are faithful but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. Kissing people is undoubtedly much more pleasant than wounding them, but not always the most loving thing we can do. We need to give other men permission to wound us, if necessary, in order to keep us on the right path.

L = LIVES

Being involved in a small group gives us the opportunity to be involved in the lives of our brothers. My Band of Fathers meets every Wednesday at a local Mexican food restaurant. I always enjoy the candid conversations that takes place while we eat and before we start our study — guys just sharing with guys about what’s happening in their lives.

Psalm 133:1 says, “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to live together in unity!” I see this unity on display every week and also during the times we gather to serve others or to go on an adventure together. And, as a group, we stay in contact with one another through our text group — sharing prayer concerns or celebrating victories.

L = LEGACY

Every man will leave a legacy whether good or bad. Our legacy is the sum of our life — what people will remember about us after we are gone. Our legacy is certainly impacted by our accomplishments, achievements, awards and recognitions. However, beyond that, our legacy is also impacted by the example we set, how we navigated through life, and the influence we had on others. Every deed, good or bad, is woven into the fabric of our legacy.

Doing life in community with other men can keep us on track to leave a good legacy. It is easy for men to wander off the path and make decisions that will damage their reputations and ultimately their legacy. However, when we allow other men to speak into our lives there is greater likelihood that we will stay on the right path and make better choices and leave a good and godly legacy.

G = GROWTH
Being involved in a small group can contribute to our growth as a believer. My Band of Fathers and I enjoy our weekly shared study. We discuss books by Christian authors that challenge us to think deeply about our lives so that we can live wisely. We examine the Scriptures to understand how we can better serve the purpose of God in our generation.

We also devote time to read and discuss books about great explorers and exploration and adventure and accomplishments. These books also contribute to our understanding of how doing hard things and facing tough challenges contribute to our growth as men.

R = RESPECT

Being a part of a small group fosters respect between brothers. Each of the men in my Band of Fathers have accomplished much in their respective fields. Each of the men have faced and overcome intimidating challenges. And each of them have developed godly wisdom and insights for living as a result.

Bottom line: I respect the men in my group and hold each of them in high regard. They inspire me to stand firm, to stay the course, and to become a better man whose choices consistently align with a biblical worldview. I could never have gotten to know the men in my group as much as I have apart from doing life with them.

O = ONE ANOTHER

Being a part of a small group is a good environment for living out the one another passages in the NT. There are 35 verses in the New Testament that contain the phrase “one another“. Every single one of these passages teaches us the value of living life in community with others and remind us that we were never meant to live life alone.


The men in my group certainly love one another as brothers in Christ. We demonstrate that love by living out the 34 other one another passages. For example, we pray for one another, we bear one another’s burdens, we encourage one another, build up one another, and serve one another. These are just a few examples of the benefits of living out the one another passages in community with other men.

U = URGENCY

Doing life with men who are committed to serving the purpose of God creates a sense of urgency about making the most of every day. As a man who can now see his seventh decade on the horizon, I cannot afford to kill time because time is killing me. I want to continue doing hard things, going to difficult places, and doing the things that will advance the interests of the kingdom in my generation.

Doing life with other men can also create urgency about rising above the mundane in order to give ourselves to greater things. The old hymn entitled “Rise Up O Men of God” urges men to rise up, be done with lesser things, and to give heart and soul and mind and strength to serve the King of kings.

P = PRAYER

One of the best things about my Band of Fathers is that we have established a powerful prayer network with one another. When one of us has a prayer concern we immediately alert the group. The guys in the group affirm their commitment to pray and then check in regularly for updates. Just another way that we bear one another’s burdens.

An old pilgrim writer once said that Satan is a pirate looking for a vessel without a fleet. When we do life in community with other men, we sail with a fleet. When we sail with a fleet it makes it harder for the enemy to succeed in sinking any one of us. And if any ship in our fleet should take on water, we are all there to launch a rescue.

Years ago, my friend and former Marine Brad Flurry, Kingsland’s Executive Pastor of Ministries, spoke to our men about doing life in community because alone is dangerous. “Every man needs someone to have his six,” Brad said. In military speak this means having someone to watch and protect our back.

Alone is dangerous and our enemy knows that. That’s why I strongly encourage every man to consider and discover the value of doing life in community with other men. And I also urge every wife to pray for her husband and to encourage him to do life in community with other men.